Oreos: Approach with caution

I recently had a rather long holiday in Asia which I love for so many reasons, but number one has to be the food. The curries, the seafood, the spices, the fragrances, the variety, I love it all. What I also love is that I was able to eat to hearts content, and then, HUZZAH! Along comes 'the upset stomach'. Its like ying and yang, John and Yoko, Clegg and Cameron; balance is restored! I am feasting, yet I have a flat stomach. If it wasn't for the hourly toilet trips, I would think it was a miracle!

There was only one difference on this holiday - Oreos. I only ate them twice on holiday and here's what happened:

Oreo destrcution scene 1
I'm sitting on a sunlounger inspecting my tan lines and simulatenously overly labouring the whole point of oreo consumption. CRACK! The solid wood sunloungers legs actually snap clean off and I'm flung, rolling off backwards, limbs akimbo. By far, my most ungraceful dismount from a sunlounger in my 28 year history.

Orea destruction scene 2 (some days later)
Having just finshed off a couple oreos on the beach I decide to go for a toddle in the sea. I hitch my lilo up under my arm and go striding off down the beach to find a good spot for loafing. Gingerly, I mount said lilo in the sea and then pfffweeeeeeeeeeeee. Ah, that'll be my lilo bursting and slowly deflating in the midle of the ocean then. Brilliant. I have to swim back in with this poor excuse of a lilo, and drag it back up the beach, whist Vietnamese natives actually point at me and laugh.

So the lesson is - don't mix Oreos with sunbathing. I'll stick to eating them on my rather sturdy and reliable sofa instead.

My Friend Leonard

Its holiday eve. My bags are packed and I'm on a count down at work. Just half an hour to go till I run from the office clicking my heels in the air with joy. This time tomorrow I'll be in Vietnam!

Ordinarily I would be well prepared for a beach holiday. I would have lost that last half stone and be looking forward to prancing round in a bikini (almost), or at the very least I would feel comfortable in one. I'm unsure as to whats gone wrong on this occasion, but Leonard [my pet name for my ever present midriff area, which I picked up from my friend Laura who has nicknames for EVERYTHING. This is a whole other blog topic entirely] is large. Rather than making a last ditch attempt to shrink Leonard, I seem to have ignored him. Leonard who?

This has not been helped by Office Treats. Something common in offices across the globe I should imagine, but I've never seen anything like it until I moved to my new team a few weeks ago. Having enjoyed everything from crisps to chocolate eclairs in the past week, I came in this morning to a tower - A TOWER - of hot cross buns! And just incase that wasn't enough, there was a whole block of butter and a knife next to the tower. Very considerate.

I've already planned a post-holiday-pre-bridesmaid diet for when I get back - and I've packed a book on The New Atkins Diet to read on the beach! Which I shall read with a cocktail in one hand, and a happy Leonard full of noodles. I hope.

Back in 3 weeks, happy Easter!

The not so special, Special K diet

As a perpetually dieting food obsessive, I'm forever thinking about my next meal whilst also planning my next diet. Is that normal? Apparently not.

Currently, I have a beach holiday looming and the bikini fear has set right in. The muffin top I've been lovingly cultivating has to go. Or at least I will embark on my 'novelty diet of the week' in a vain attempt to try to shift it. This time, I'm trying the Special K diet. The premise is simple - replace usual breakfast and lunch with a bowl of Special K, and after 2 weeks, TA DA, I'll be one whole dress size slimmer. A size 10 after 2 weeks, and 2 weeks until I go on holiday? SOLD.

I started on Monday because the girl who sits next to me at work is doing it too. And if there is one thing I enjoy as much as food, it’s a bit of healthy competition. This is how I'm getting on:

Day 1
Bowl of Special K for breakfast as planned. I'm doing well! YES!
E-normous bowl of Special K for lunch. I'm already bored, but patting myself on the back for day one's achievements. I resist office treats all afternoon, and sit smugly at my desk while those around me tuck in. Willpower isn't something I'm blessed with often so when I do have it, I revel in it.
Then I have a big fat pizza for dinner, all to myself. Day one blown.

Day 2
Special K for breakfast. Tick
Lunch time rolls round and I can't face it. Day two and I'm already on Special K overload. I have a jacket potato and cheese. Cheese! It feels so wrong, but it tastes so right. Dinner is near virtous as a result, grilled halloumi and salad. I ignore the fact that its more cheese and assure myself that halloumi is good cheese, even though its a bit squeeky.

Day 3
Special K for breakast, which was…. fine.
Lunch time I meet my dad for lunch, he works round the corner from me. I try to be good but I have a 2 course dinner instead, with bread. Useless. And then my dad gives me an early Easter present - the biggest Lindt chocolate bunny I've ever seen. It’s a kilo of chocolate, a KILO! Its bigger than my cat. I will love it more than my cat. Currently, its under my desk at work, waiting for its moment of glory. Weighing up whether I should share with the office and therefore share the calories, I'm still thinking about that.

Technically I should have Special K for dinner now, but alas, that would be rubbish, and my boyfriend has cooked a naughty curry which is my Achilles heal.
But I did go to the gym after work and pumped some iron, therefore in my head, this cancels out all bad behaviour today! Right?

Day 4
I can't face it, no more Special K, no more! I plump for a grande skinny latte with sugar free vanilla syrup for breakfast instead which fills me up until lunch. Result! TECHNICALLY, I haven't eaten anything yet today, brilliant. That means I can have a nice normal lunch…. Special K diet is officially over, a dismal failure. Looks like the muffin top isn't budging this time. On the plus side, girl next to me has also given up and I think I lasted slightly longer than her which means this wasn't all a waste of time